The Wizard Prison Tango
by Darkest-Shades
Summary: A parody of Chicago's 'Cell Block Tango' (I know, I know.) with Hermione, Ginny, Cho, Pansy, Olympia and Alicia. They didn't do nothin' wrong! Oh, but who gets killed? Read and find out! I like reviews too. ;)


I'm sure this has probably been done a million times over, but it's not like I'm scouting to check. lol. I like this song and I thought of doing a parody for it. I hope you enjoy. :) (Please dont' be offended by the content/pairings..it worked out that way. xD)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own 'Cell Block Tango' which is a catchy song from Chicago, nor do I own Harry Potter and co. Only Harry Potter merchandise, but you can't have any so don't even bother. :P  
  
Guard: And now, the six Wicked Witches of the Azkaban Wizard Prison in their rendition of "The Azkaban Tango."   
  
[GINNY]  
  
Snap!  
  
[PANSY]  
  
Sex!  
  
[HERMIONE]  
  
Crucio!  
  
[OLYMPIA]  
  
No no!  
  
[ALICIA]  
  
Cauldron  
  
[CHO]  
  
Diggory!  
  
[repeat three times]  
  
[ALL]  
  
He had it coming  
  
He had it coming  
  
He only had himself to blame  
  
If you'd have been there  
  
If you'd have seen it  
  
[GINNY]  
  
Snap!  
  
[PANSY]  
  
Sex!  
  
[HERMIONE]  
  
Crucio!  
  
[OLYMPIA]  
  
No no!  
  
[ALICIA]  
  
Cauldron  
  
[CHO]  
  
Diggory!  
  
[ALICIA]  
  
I betcha you would have done the same!  
  
[GINNY (spoken)]  
  
You know how people have these little habits   
  
That just drive you nuts? Like Colin  
  
Colin like to take pictures of people.  
  
No, not take. SNAP.  
  
Well, I walked into the common room one day,   
  
and I am really irritated and   
  
looking for a little sympathy  
  
and there's Colin stretched  
  
across the couch, with the Patil twins  
  
and takin pics'. No, not takin'.  
  
Snappin'. So, I said to him,  
  
I said, "Colin, you click that   
  
camera one more time..."   
  
*giggles*  
  
And he did.  
  
So I took my wand out of my pocket  
  
and I fired two deadly curses...  
  
...into his head.  
  
[GIRLS]  
  
He had it coming  
  
He had it coming  
  
He only had himself to blame  
  
If you'd have been there  
  
If you'd have seen it  
  
I betcha you would  
  
Have done the same!  
  
He had it coming  
  
He had it coming  
  
He only had himself to blame  
  
If you'd have been there  
  
If you'd have seen it  
  
I betcha you would  
  
Have done the same!  
  
[ALL]  
  
He had it coming  
  
He had it coming  
  
He only had himself to blame  
  
If you'd have been there  
  
If you'd have seen it  
  
I betcha you would  
  
Have done the same!  
  
[PANSY (spoken)]  
  
I met Draco Malfoy from  
  
A party at his parents house   
  
before we came into Hogwarts  
  
and we hit it off right away.  
  
So, we started going out together.  
  
We'd go to class, he'd disappear for an hour,   
  
I'd mix him a drink, We'd have dinner.  
  
Well, it was like heaven in  
  
our cold dungeon rooms.  
  
And then I found out,  
  
"Committed" he told me?  
  
Committed, my ass. Not only  
  
was he not into me  
  
...oh, no, he was screwing other girls.  
  
One of those players, you know. So that  
  
night, when he came to the common room,   
  
I mixed him his drink as usual.  
  
You know, some guys just can't hold  
  
their Wolfsbane.  
  
[GINNY, PANSY, HERMIONE, CHO]  
  
Hah! He had it coming  
  
He had it coming  
  
He took a flower   
  
In its prime  
  
And then he used it  
  
And he abused it  
  
It was a murder  
  
But not a crime!  
  
[ALICIA, OLYMPIA]  
  
Snap! Sex! Crucio! No no! Cauldron! Diggory!  
  
[HERMIONE (spoken)]  
  
Now, I'm standing in the transfiguration  
  
classroom, practicing what we did today  
  
and minding my own business,  
  
and in storms my boyfriend, Ron  
  
in a jealous rage.  
  
"You been screwin' Harry Potter,"  
  
he says. He was crazy!  
  
and he kept screamin',  
  
"You been screwin' Harry Potter."  
  
And then he ran into my wand.  
  
He ran into my wand ten times!  
  
[ALL]  
  
If you'd have been there  
  
If you'd have seen it  
  
I betcha you would have done the same!  
  
[OLYMPIA (spoken)]  
  
What am I doin' 'ere?   
  
Zey say, zat ze Minister of Magic was after my 'Agrid   
  
and zat I sliced off 'is 'ead. But zis iz not true!   
  
I am guiltless! I do not know why Ze Ministry says   
  
zat I did it. I tried to explain at Ze Ministry   
  
but zey didn't understand me...  
  
[Hermione (spoken)]  
  
Yeah, but did you do it?  
  
[OLYMPIA (spoken)]  
  
No no! Not guiltee!  
  
[ALICIA (spoken)]  
  
My team mate, Angelina and  
  
I did this broomstick act  
  
and my boyfriend, George,  
  
used to come along with us.  
  
Now, for the last number in  
  
our act, we did 20 sporatic broom tricks in a row  
  
One, two, three four, five...dives, feints,   
  
ball passes, bludger backbeats  
  
one right after the other.  
  
Well, one night we were in the Leaky Cauldron,  
  
the three of us, sittin' up  
  
in a rented room, boozin' and  
  
havin' a few laughs and  
  
we ran out of butterbeer.  
  
So I went out to get some.  
  
I come back, open the door  
  
and there's Angelina and  
  
George doing Number Twenty-three -  
  
the Bludger Backbeat.  
  
Well, I was in such a state of shock,   
  
I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing.   
  
It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my broomstick  
  
I even knew they were dead.  
  
They had it coming  
  
They had it coming  
  
They had it coming all along  
  
I didn't do it  
  
But if I'd done it  
  
How could you tell me that I was wrong?  
  
[ALICIA]  
  
They had it coming  
  
[GIRLS]  
  
They had it coming  
  
[ALICIA]  
  
They had it coming  
  
[GIRLS]  
  
They had it coming  
  
[ALICIA]  
  
They had it coming all along  
  
[GIRLS]  
  
And then they used it  
  
[ALICIA]  
  
But if I'd done it  
  
[GIRLS]  
  
And they abused it  
  
[ALICIA]  
  
How could you tell me   
  
[GIRLS]  
  
It was a murder  
  
[ALICIA]  
  
That I was wrong?!  
  
[CHO (spoken)]  
  
I loved Cedric Diggory  
  
more than I can possibly say.  
  
He was a real snitch-worthy guy  
  
athletic... a seeker.  
  
But he was really devoted.  
  
He was always out  
  
trying to catch that snitch.  
  
He'd go out every day  
  
to practice his catch  
  
and on the way  
  
he cought Hannah,  
  
Katie, Percy and Dobby.  
  
I guess you can say we broke  
  
up because of our quidditch differences.  
  
He saw himself with a snitch in his hands  
  
and I saw him with a bludger in his head.  
  
[GINNY, PANSY, HERMIONE]  
  
They had it comin'   
  
[ALICIA, CHO, OLYMPIA]  
  
They had it comin'  
  
[GINNY, PANSY, HERMIONE]  
  
They had it comin'  
  
[ALICIA, CHO, OLYMPIA]  
  
They had it comin'  
  
[GINNY, PANSY, HERMIONE]  
  
They had it comin'  
  
[ALICIA, CHO, OLYMPIA]  
  
They had it comin'  
  
[GINNY, PANSY, HERMIONE]  
  
All along  
  
[ALICIA, CHO, OLYMPIA, GINNY, PANSY, HERMIONE]  
  
All along.  
  
'Cause if they used us  
  
'Cause if they used us   
  
And they abused us   
  
And they abused us  
  
[GINNY, PANSY, HERMIONE]  
  
How could you tell us   
  
[ALICIA, CHO, OLYMPIA]  
  
How could you tell us That we were wrong?  
  
That we were wrong?  
  
He had it coming  
  
He had it coming  
  
He only had himself to blame.  
  
If you'd have been there  
  
If you'd have seen it  
  
I betcha  
  
You would  
  
Have done  
  
The same!  
  
[GINNY (Spoken)]  
  
You snap that camera one more time!  
  
[PANSY (spoken)]  
  
Committed my ass.  
  
[HERMIONE (Spoken)]  
  
Ten times!  
  
[OLYMPIA (Spoken)]  
  
But Ze Ministry did not understand me  
  
[ALICIA (Spoken)]  
  
Number twenty-three, the bludger backbeat  
  
[CHO (Spoken)]  
  
Quidditch differences.  
  
[ALL]  
  
I betcha you would have done the same! 


End file.
